Confession...I'm A Gym Snob!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Yeah I said it! I'm a gym snob! I have spent the better of 10 years trying to ignore that which I have always known to be true...that there are certain things that occur when I go to the gym that just annoy me. I understand that some of these things may not annoy other folks, but I really don't care...they annoy me! Seriously folks, I have cancelled my membership at some gyms because I was so annoyed that I didn't want to go anymore. And not going is not an option. Believe me, I can be quite raggedy when I don't go. You see, the gym is the one place I can go to relieve stress...and I generally have a lot of stressful things going on in my life. But working out calms me. I put my headphones in my ear, turn on my iPod, and I go to work. I am transported into my own little world. And once I'm there, I hate being distracted...the following things are BIG distractions:  

- Women Who Come To Play - Look ladies, I understand the whole concept of a workout buddy, but the key word in that concept is WORKOUT! Don't come to the gym to hang out with your girls! You can do that at the Starbucks. All the chit-chatting and giggling...girls stop! It is particularly annoying when you interrupt my run to ask me if I can switch treadmills with you so that you can use the machine directly next to your friend. And when I graciously agree to move to another treadmill, you and your girl occupy your treadmills for all of 5 minutes. FIVE MINUTES! You're playing...and I don't come to the gym to play. I have a hectic life with a tight schedule, and I typically have 60 to 90 minutes to get in and get out. My advice to you for-play-play girls, please head to your nearest Lucille Roberts with that foolishness and go play there. Yes I called out Lucille Roberts...and I'm not taking it back!

- Men Hitting On Me - I've written on this topic before, and it is so annoying that I feel the need to say it again. I hate being hit on at the gym. I am not one of those women who goes to the gym in her brand new workout gear and strut around until a man notices me. Nope! And I'm pretty sure I don't look like one of those girls. I always have the "I'm not interested" look on my face, and I work hard not to make eye contact with anyone who is looking at me. In my opinion, dudes who hit on me at the gym are just as bad as the for-play-play girls. So to all the men out there who are even thinking of hitting on me at the gym, please take the following cues:

1. If I refuse to remove my headphones from my ear when you tap me on my shoulder, then I am not interested.
2. If, when you approach, I immediately stop working out, walk out of the gym, get in my car, and drive off, then I am not interested.
3. If I turn my head in the opposite direction while you are speaking to me, then I am not interested.
4. If I tell you I’m married and my husband is trained in mixed martial arts and real swole, then I am not interested…and you may get your butt kicked!

Got it? Okay cool. Now back to my workout!

- Folks Who Don't Sanitize - People, the paper towel and spray bottles full of disinfectant that are strategically placed throughout the gym are there for a reason. Germs are real! Influenza is real! E.Coli is real! And more important, I don't know where your hands have been! Add to that the sweat you have wiped from your forehead right before you placed your hands on the sensor to check you heart rate. It's all pretty gross. But the gym gods have come up with the paper towel and disinfectant to kill some of the germs left behind after your workout...use them! Get off your machine and walk your tail over to the disinfectant station and make it happen! Don't leave your germs for the next gym patron. You wouldn't want the for-play-play girls to get sick, right? Stop being lazy and sanitize!

- Equipment Hogs - This one is primarily for the weight machine hogs. I get've just completed a grueling set, and you need to take a little break before you start the next set. I get it, I get it! But what I don't get is why you need to get up from the machine, slowly walk to the other end of the gym, take more than few seconds to stare at yourself in the mirror as your walk, give your boy a pound because you haven't seen him since your last set, and take a sip of water. All of this before you return to your machine...damn near 5 minutes later! I'm not here for this! If I was really about that life, I would throw away the towel you left on the machine to hold you spot, sanitize, and get to work on the machine...but clearly I am not about that life. So all I can do is be annoyed...this is me annoyed!

- Cell Phoners - This one is simple. If you are on the elliptical, and your significant other calls you on your cell phone, by all means answer it. And stay on the phone long enough to tell him or her that you are at the gym, you will call him or her when you leave, you love him or her, and hang up. I seriously do not wan to hear your 10-minute long conversation where you and your boo are arguing about who will do the grocery shopping this week. Please excuse yourself, hit that locker room, and finish your argument there. Why am I so annoyed by this...ugh!

Not really the club...but they think they are!

- Loud Gym Music - I am a former member of Club Metro. I am a former member for several reasons, many of which are discussed in this post. But one of the main reasons I hated that gym was the loud music they played throughout the gym. Listen guys...the music was so loud at Club Metro that you couldn't hear if the person right next to you was speaking. It was so loud that I couldn't hear the music playing in my own headphones. How on earth am I supposed transport to my own world if I can't hear Daft Punk in my headphones? I can't, that's how!

Okay...I'm done...I feel better now that I have confessed. I understand if some of you won't want to speak to me anymore, but I had to spill! I'm free! I'm sure I'm not the only gym snob out there. Come on folks...confess!

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